Dreaming about dreaming

I found this book, "Dancer's among us" by Jordan Matter. It's just what it sounds like, photos of dancers in everyday life. The book stirred something deep in me, made me long for dancing again, for the creative process. 

I have been seeking out this stirring, looking for books, movies, pictures, anything that will remind me of old dreams. It's as if I am rummaging around in the basement of my heart, looking for those magical thoughts and dreams that I have put away thinking they had no place in my current life. I was so wrong. I spent years trying to suppress these dreams, because I thought that they had no place in the life of a grownup. Now I realize that God makes us who we are for a reason, and while we may have to use wisdom about when we can act upon our dreams, I no longer believe they are to be put away. Rather the dream is supposed to be allowed to grow and mature along with us. 

Longing

There is a longing, a longing for we know not what.  We try to say what we want, but do we really know? Because if we are being honest with ourselves, we would realize that all we want is God, His presence, His love. In our own ways we try to give language to our longings, to the yearning in our hearts. Sometimes we see it in a movie, a painting, a song, a dance, a dream. There are days when the craving for eternity is so powerful that it hurts, and all we do is ache. It is in this moment, when we are so lovesick that we cannot handle it that we must enter this pain, deepen it, widen it, explore what it means to long for God. Stay in this place, this place of desire  until there is nothing else but the pursuit of the face of God, the beauty of God. 

next chapter

     A lot has happened in the last few years, some good some bad. As our family is entering into what feels like a new season, my wife and I sat down together and wrote out on my old business cards all the discouraging thoughts or words that have been in our heads. The purpose was to reject any lies that we had bought into, because often when we go through a rough season there is the risk of believing that God is against you, or maybe that you are a failure, or that you are bad at something. One example for me is that I am bad at math. I have believed this for so long that it has held me back. It is not my job to place limits on myself not ordained by God. So we are releasing the past and reaching toward a new future.