A heavy cost

I feel as though my dreams are dying. When I reached for the big dream, my wife, my children, I did not know that it would cost me everything. I did not realize that ballet, snowboarding, travel, nightlife, friends, Starbucks, adventure; possibly even fencing would be sacrificed on the altar of my family. The question is, now that I know this, am I willing to pay it, or will I spend the rest of my life resenting my family, regretting the price that I paid? Or worse, will I try to return them, and sacrifice my family on the altar of my dreams, as so many men have done? As my father did? Again I feel the curse of my father reaching for me, whispering that I was made to be something great, and I am wasting away my life. But I know what my father did not, the value of a virtuous wife, of wild sons and a daughter who radiates royalty. My family demands the best of me; I cannot serve both my dreams and them.

I am something exceptional, I know it sounds arrogant, but I am. My potential has very few limits, without a family to care for I could reach any height I set myself to climb. But when I reach the summit and the glory of my name reaches into eternity, as I sit down as an old man to write the story of my life, everything I had accomplished would be nothing, without my joy, my glory there beside me. I want to look into her eyes as an old man and see love, love that has withstood the test of time, and when I see that I will know; that I am blessed, and that I had invested my life wisely.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

I am not going to say that this will be easy, or that I will always do this right. There will be days when my heart yearns for the selfish ambitions of youth. In those moments I will remember this; I vowed, on April 8^th, 2006 to trade all that I am, all that I could be for the dream, the priceless treasure that is my family.

“A heavy cost, I pay it gladly.”