The art of abiding

When I was young I dreamed of a life of success defined by doing. I was going to travel the world and have adventures, own all the outdoor toys and just wander around, doing all type of cool things. As I grew older, my definition of success has changed, but it still involved doing and owning. Having a nice house, nice cars, the latest phone and electronic gadgets. Working in a job that others would find to be reputable, being a person of note in my church, teaching fencing, competing in fencing. I wanted to be important and be seen as important. This mindset causes a lot of stress. I am grasping, always grasping for what I do not have, and trying to appear as though I do have what I do not yet have. My walk with god is defined by what He is doing for me right now, and what I am able to do. Push, strive, achieve, win! In the midst of this scramble I have lost something very precious; myself, and the simple joy of living. I'm becoming angry, bitter, and resentful because I am jealous of the outward accomplishments of others, only happy when I am as good or better than the other people around me from an outward perspective. We must learn to let go of these things. We must look beyond the outward trappings of success, and plumb the depths of our own hearts. Discover what gives you joy, whether anyone approvs or not. For me this is fencing. Not competitive fencing, but the art of swordplay studied as a martial art. I love writing, not to please anyone else, but becaue I love the idea of having my words there to encourage others. The trouble is that these things take discipline, and a not seen by others nor is it praised by anyone. It is hard to have discipline in something that goes unnoticed. We want the reward of money or praise from others. I'm not saying that we should not ever strive, or work hard. Whatever we do should be done to the best of our abilities, to the glory of God. But when we do what we do, it should be done with an understanding that nothing we do in this life will last, nor does it define us. We are defined by something internal, that may manifest on the outside but is not what is on the outside(if that makes any sense). So let yourself go, follow your heart, be the man/woman that God made you to be. For only when we accept who we are, all of who we are will we be free.