New Years Day

So, while I must admit that wallowing in the mire of my own despair is quite fun, there comes a moment when Satan has overstayed his welcome in my head. So I am asking the Lord for an eviction notice. I realized that if work is so terrible, then I can quit. If school is so hopeless, then I can drop out. If I can't handle the pressure of raising a family, I can always do what my father did and walk out on them. Okay, scratch that last bit. I can hardly handle a four day business trip away from my family. But you get my point.
What I am attempting is hard, very hard. It's not easy to go back to school at age thirty, with a wife and three very small children, and work full time. That however, is precisely what I am going to do.
       Think of today as a sort of new years day. My resolution? To allow myself to be human, to make mistakes, to settle for nothing less than all I have to give. To be in the Word at least twice a day, set aside time to pray twice a day. To do my best at work, to follow the companies values and culture to the letter. To work along side of my wife to get us in shape to run a 5k race together, and get our bodies back. To become a student, and do the best that I can in my studies.   My number one resolution is to stop trying to go it alone. I wait far to long to reach out for help, and that has to stop . I will never reach the heights that I have envisioned in my heart by putting on a one man show. It's gonna take me awhile to make that happen, I don't trust people.
By the grace of God I will change, I have to. I can't stay where I am in life, I'll end up killing myself if I do. God has to become the reason that I live and breathe, He must become my portion, He has to be enough. Because if this life is all there is, I have absolutely no interest in sticking it out on this worthless planet.