Why I want to run

I want to run races. Not because I think it would be fun, but because I think it would suck. Because I hate running, because it's hard for me. Because I'm weak, and I hate that about myself. And because it's cheap. Fencing is expensive and doable. With training I could compete, and that doesn't mean I will never fence, but I feel like I need more challenges. (I know right? I've gone mad) I guess I want to make a lifestyle out of pushing myself right now,to help me with the challenges that I am facing in life with work and school. I guess if the whole point is to go to the breaking point, I may as well do this on all levels. My endurance is not up to par, I struggle with a 14 hour work day, and there are people doing 18-22 hour days at work right now. I hate not being one of the strongest people in the room. I want to improve my endurance, increase my tolerance for pain and discomfort, find out once and for all how much is to much. I know that I'm only operating at a fraction of my ability, and my attitude is primarily what's dragging me down. I need to train myself to have a better attitude, to enjoy being broken, stretched to the breaking point. Why? Because I must learn to enjoy trials and suffering, knowing that "The testing of my faith develops perseverance." I want this, but I am comfortably uncomfortable right now. I must shake myself awake before God decides that he needs to step in.